jacked up blog

1. Fight Club- Nothing says violence like Jazz Hands. I’d like David Cook to be in it, just so I can see the shit beat out of him.

2. Superbad- But Micheal Cera and Jonah Hill have to star.

3. Battlestar Galactica- OK, so technically this is a TV show, but who cares? Can’t you just see it? Boomer singing to her other Cylon clones? Except in my head she’s singing “I Don’t Know How To Love Him” from Jesus Christ Superstar. Oooh, they could have a song and choreographed fight scene!

4. Dawn of the Dead- It could be like Thriller, only scarier! Or less scary, depending on what your take is on Michael Jackson.

5. Iron Man- OK, I admit that I’m throwing this in here because I couldn’t think of another movie. But the more I think about it, the more I like it. I mean, Gwenyth Paltrow already sang in that movie with Huey Lewis and Terrence Howard was in Hustle and Flow. As for Downey, I think he has the chops to sing. I mean if Johnny Depp can do it, why can’t he?

1.  Preacher Comics- For when I want to feel like a badass.

2.  Walking Dead Comics- For when I want to be paranoid.

3.  Anything by David Sedaris- For when I want to laugh until I pee.

4.  Harry Potter series- For when I want to get swept away.

5.  One Hundred Years of Solitude- For when I feel Emo.

1. My husband- Best geek evar.

2. Micheal Cera- If you don’t know why by now, then why are you reading my blog.

3. Justin Long- He’s not only the geek that gets hit in the head with a wrench, but he’s the cool geek in the Mac commercials. And, hello! He’s dating Drew Barrymore.

4. Anthony Michael Hall- Nobody did geek better in the 80’s.

5. John Francis Daley- Sam from Freaks and Geeks. “You have a beautiful body.”

1. Jesse Custer from Preacher comics- If you haven’t read them, you just don’t know. He’s out to do what’s right and he totally fucks up anyone who gets in his way.

2. Edward Norton from Fight Club- Need I say more? I am Tyler Durden.

3. Uma Thurman from Kill Bill Vol. 1 & Vol. 2- I needed to find a lady to be on my badass list, and I couldn’t think of anyone better than The Bride. “Bitch… you haven’t got a future.”

4. Bruce Campbell from all Evil Dead movies- If ever I have a son, I want to name him Ash Tyler Durden Bouvier, however, my husband would soon veto this. “Shop smart, shop S-Mart.” “This is my Boom Stick!” “Groovy.” “I’m bad Ash, and you’re good Ash. You’re a goody little two shoes.” OK, enough. But feel free to add any.

5. Viggo Mortenson in Eastern Promises- He went balls out for this role… literally. He fucked someone up with his dick hanging out, so he HAS to be in my top 5.

Runners up: Marv from Sin City- Badasses don’t have to be handsome.
Freddy Rodriguez from Planet Terror- Badasses can come in small packages.
Matt Damon in Bourne Identity- Badasses use Filipino martial arts. That’s right bitches!

NOTE: One of my all time favorite badasses is Brock Samson. He isn’t on this list because he’s so badass that he deserves his own post.

1.  Mullets- I saw a guy at Dairy Queen that had a mullet with bangs.  It was twice the business and 4 times the ugly.

2.  Socks with Sandals- Even my 83 year old Grandpa knows that this is just bad taste.

3.  Jams-  Unless you’re the owner of Rex Kwon Do or you’re in Hammer time (I know that technically these were called parachute pants, but really, who are you kidding?), you should stay clear of these.

4.  Cosby Sweaters- I love me some Bill Huxtable, but was it perpetually winter Brooklyn Heights?

5.  Tapered Jeans-  I remember I cried until my older sister showed me how to take any loose material at the bottom of my jeans, flatten it against my leg, then roll it up to make a cuff.  I’m crying now b/c she showed me, and I wore my pants like that way longer than I should have.