jacked up blog

1.  Mullets- I saw a guy at Dairy Queen that had a mullet with bangs.  It was twice the business and 4 times the ugly.

2.  Socks with Sandals- Even my 83 year old Grandpa knows that this is just bad taste.

3.  Jams-  Unless you’re the owner of Rex Kwon Do or you’re in Hammer time (I know that technically these were called parachute pants, but really, who are you kidding?), you should stay clear of these.

4.  Cosby Sweaters- I love me some Bill Huxtable, but was it perpetually winter Brooklyn Heights?

5.  Tapered Jeans-  I remember I cried until my older sister showed me how to take any loose material at the bottom of my jeans, flatten it against my leg, then roll it up to make a cuff.  I’m crying now b/c she showed me, and I wore my pants like that way longer than I should have.

Elizabeth Berkely is either a judge or the host of the new Bravo show Step It Up & Dance.

Question: What qualifications does she have that makes her an expert at dancing? That’s like having Paula Abdul judge a singing competition.

Oh wait…

I don’t know why anyone would choose another e-mail system. I love GMail. I’ll say it again, I love Gmail. It is by far the pimp of e-mails. I can do anything with my GMail account. I can create and save documents to it, put events on my calendar and send out invites to those events, I can easily put up my photo albums via Picasa (another thing I love) and I can chat online with my fellow GMail buddies and AOL buddies.

How sick is that?

It also blocks spam and automatically deletes it after 30 days.  Not to mention it auto-saves my e-mails and docs. I just can’t say enough about it.  Well, maybe if I could set my DVR from my Gmail account.

Hmmmm….

I’m envious of Andrew Zimmern, the host of Bizarre Foods on the Travel Channel. No, I don’t want to eat bull balls or ant larvae, but he has got to be a non-shy pooer. When Andrew Zimmern has eaten some bad pig anus, you know he can’t wait until he’s in the comfort of his hotel room. No, he’s going to pull over his elephant and take a dump in the jungle. Whereas me, I’ll hold it for 4 hours just so I can be in the comfort of my own home.

Runner Up: Bear Grylls. The guy ate a sheep eyeball dunked in a geothermal lake and had moss as his appetizer. Mmmm, fiber. I bet he didn’t even have to wipe his ass afterwards.

So you’re watching Batman Begins and you see the guy who plays the Scarecrow, and you think “That guy is pretty, where have I seen him before?” IMDB. You’re watching the Superbowl and you see the 18th preview for the Sarah Connor Chronicles and you think “I recognize that gap in her teeth, where have I seen her before?” IMDB. You’re watching the bootleg version of Juno that you just got and you think “I’m in love with Michael Cera, I wonder what his next movie is and how I can start stalking him.” OK, so maybe you don’t think that, but the answer is still IMDB.

In case you didn’t want to go to IMDB:

• The Scarecrow from Batman Begins is Cillian Murphy. You also know him from 28 Days Later, Redeye, and Cold Mountain (he’s the soldier that tries to cover Natalie Portman’s baby with a blanket, but she kills him anyway).
• The gap in the Sarah Connor Chronicles is Lena Headey. You know her as the queen of Sparta in 300 (I may have known her instantly if I saw her nipples).
• Michael Cera’s next movie is Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist, which also stars Kat Dennings. You know her as the teenage daughter in 40-Year Old Virgin, which cameoed Jonah Hill who was Seth in Superbad with Michael Cera!

OK, I’m out of breath. Now do you see why I love IMDB so much? I’m still tingling with excitement.

What is it about Michael Cera that is so awesome? Or better, what is it about Michael Cera that ISN’T awesome? He plays the same awkward, goofy, self-confidence lacking character, yet I would watch him in anything. He had me in Superbad, which I watched 3 times opening weekend. I fell for him as soon as he sang “These Eyes.” That was it- he sang, I melted.

In Juno, he was Paulie Bleaker, the sweet baby daddy that was torn between being with the girl he loved, or doing what he thought she wanted him to do. And lastly, I’ve been watching him in Arrested Development as George Michael. He’s trying to live up to his dad’s standards while pursuing the love of his life, Maeby, who also happens to be his cousin. He’s on my short list of “Guys to Have an Affair With”. And if you don’t think he’s worthy, all I have to say is: These eyes, cry every night for you…

I am, by no means, a fashionista. I wear the same thing everyday. Khakis, gray hoodie, black shoes. I have so many work shirts, that I wear them on my days off. However, I am enamored, no, obsessed with Project Runway. I love everything about it. I made a survey that I e-mailed my fellow PR-heads about their favorite designers, favorite challenges, and even favorite Tim Gunn-ism. And like loyal viewers they actually filled them out and sent them back!

Unlike American Idol, Project Runway showcases talent without humiliation. The judges are fair and their criticisms are meant to help in future challenges, not make me cringe with embarassment. I love Tim Gunn’s advice, Michael Kors inflection, and the most arrogant designers with talent to back it up. It’s the kind of show that I would watch a marathon of, even if I’ve seen every episode 10 times.

I don’t know what first attracted me to this Japanese monster that hatched from an egg, all I know is that I’ve wanted him since the moment I saw him. My sister thinks I’m crazy, she told me he looks like a turd. To which I replied, “Yeah, a turd with teeth!” My sweeter-than-yours husband bought me an awesome Domo for V-day. I’ve started to fantasize about pictures of Domo trying to eat my dog, stealing the remote, or practicing his best Tim Gunn impersonation in the bathroom mirror. But I can only picture him talking in third person “This concerns Domo.” I guess that would work better as a short movie, rather than a picture. Either way, it’s still totally sweet.

I don’t know if I love my husband more for hearing me mention Domo, then buying him for me, or indulging me in my weird Domo fantasies. Whatever it is, I don’t care, because he’s Domoriffic.

iGoogle is my homepage and they have this nifty “How To” window. Every day I can find a random assortment of how to’s. The following is an actual list of some of the suggestions (and I’ve actually looked them up): how to survive a volcanic eruption, how to knit an illusion sweater, how to make lip gloss, how to be romantic, how to get a hot girlfriend (rule #1: be hygenic) and my favorite, how to be indie (my guess is if you want to be indie, you shouldn’t go looking at a how to guide).

I wonder if there is a how to article on how to write a how to article…

Today’s How To: How to be annoying (I don’t need any help, thanks).